Living the dream: My journey to Australian citizenship

Let's talk about immigration. There's a misconception in the media that life is easy for people who emigrate to a new country. Common statements that are made are things like they commit crime, they clog our prisons, they steal our jobs and they rely on the welfare system. These statements couldn't be further from the truth and in today's blog I want to share the story of my journey to Australian citizenship which was finalised on Thursday afternoon and bear in mind that being an NZ citizen I already had an advantage because I could just get a plane and live on a temporary working visa (this is a subject for another blog) unlike people from other nations who couldn't necessarily gain entry to Australia.

So it's 2008 and I've just finished my undergraduate degree at university - a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Politics and a minor in Film, TV and Media Studies. I had been thinking of moving to Sydney for two years - Sydney because it's a lot like Auckland - It has a sky tower (Sydney Tower) and it has a harbour bridge (the Coat hanger). Two of my friends from uni also moved to Sydney so after two years of deliberation I took the plunge and moved to Sydney. I lived in King's Cross from April until June and in that time was working for the NSW Department of Housing - now FACS) and I had a second part time job in the evenings as well. I missed my friends though so I moved back to Auckland but I always had the intention to move back to Sydney. When I was back in Auckland I started my post graduate studies in Communications.

I spent about 18 months in Auckland and then in December of 2009 I moved back after two of my other friends moved to Sydney. This time around I stayed for nine months but hated my job so I went back to Auckland to complete my Post Graduate Diploma in Communications. I stayed for a few months from August 2010 until December 2010 when I moved back to Sydney where I stayed until April 2011.

I stayed in Auckland until December 2013. The reason that time was so long was because I wound up getting a job I really loved that I didn't want to leave but when the company announced their intention to close the department I worked in that was my opportunity to come back to Sydney which had always been my goal.

I arrived back in Sydney on the 24th of December 2013 at about 6pm. I'm in communications and the work here has been incredibly unstable and after several casual jobs I had a really good job I liked but it didn't work out so I left that job in November of 2015. Luckily a couple of friends let me stay with them but it was only for a short time. Fortunately I had another friend who let me stay with them and I lived there for a few years. That was only supposed to be for a month but I really liked it there in Redfern so I stayed. 

In February of 2016, then Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and then New Zealand Prime Minister John Key announced a new skilled migration pathway specifically for NZ citizens living in Australia. Under that pathway you had to earn a minimum of $53,900AUD plus super for four years prior to applying which I knew I probably wasn't going to do for that financial year.

I decided to earn money freelancing but due to some unfortunate circumstances the work dried up so I needed to go back to working for other people. Of course, a lot of employers in Sydney are incredibly dodgy and look for a scapegoat, or the work is good but it's contract work so it has an expiration date and means that the job hunt must continue. There were periods where if it hadn't been for friends giving me a place to stay I would've been homeless. It is because of this generosity that I was able to get Australian citizenship after 13 years and 28 days, which included 7 months and 1 day of processing time.

What a lot of people don't realise when you emigrate to a new country is that it's not actually necessarily smooth sailing. It took me FOUR attempts to emigrate to Australia before I was able to successfully do it. During that time there was a lot of uncertainty with casual or contract jobs and some periods in between. There were times where I had to freelance and was working 16 hours a day to earn enough money to qualify for the skilled visa pathway that Malcolm Turnbull and John Key introduced. There were periods where I couldn't pay rent. There were periods where I didn't know where my next pay was coming from. There were periods of so much uncertainty. So much uncertainty because when you move to a new country you're on your own. You're in a weird limbo land where you're still legally recognised by your old country but you're not yet recognised by your new country.

It's very hard for migrants in a new country. This could be why only 3.4% of the world's population have emigrated from their country of birth. 3.4% of the world's population is 272 million. The rest of the 9 billion people in the world live in their country of birth.

I was thinking about it a couple of days ago since becoming an Australian citizen, and the reality is, most immigrants struggle. You're away from your friends and family. You're away from your support networks and you're basically on your own. I think that's actually why we see so many immigrants setting up their own businesses. They simply have to in order to survive. I did it myself, and even today while I still work a casual job and hunt for a permanent job in the Australian Federal Government, I have my freelance writing business and I am hoping to build that up.

Instead of saying immigrants should go back home (and I've been guilty of this myself) take the time to find out their story and learn about why they decided to move to a new country because immigration is not as clear cut as people think it is. It takes a lot of hard work and determination. This blog is just a short snapshot of what goes into getting citizenship in a new country, and for me, it took 13 years and 28 days plus a lot of uncertainty and struggles along the way.

It is for that reason I am not just proud to call myself Australian, I am proud that I achieved something that not many people do. I successfully emigrated to a new country after multiple attempts. I'm very proud of that achievement in fact because along the way I had no idea if it was going to happen and in 2008 when I first decided I wanted Australian citizenship there was no pathway for me other than through marriage but I didn't want to get Australian citizenship based on who I married. I wanted to get it because of how hard I hard worked for it, and I did. There is a huge amount of satisfaction in being able to say that I achieved what I always set out to achieve - something that only 3.4% of the world's population achieve, and legally being recognised as an Australian by the government.

The other reason for this blog is to show that when things seem impossible you should never lose faith that if you persist you will get what you want and you will achieve your dream. My dream was to be an Australian citizen and I am.

Pros and cons of naturalising in a new country

Over the last few months while I was waiting for my Australian citizenship I had a few conversations with people about naturalising after acquiring permanent residency in a country that you emigrated to.  I had wondered why some people don't naturalise prior to this because the New Zealand media often publishes and broadcasts stories about New Zealand citizens being ineligible for Australian government assistance, the right to vote, and being at risk if they commit a crime that carries a prison sentence of more than 12 months. 

It truly seems bizarre to me that someone would move to a new country and not intend to naturalise. I had planned to naturalise as an Australian citizen since I first moved here 13 years and 29 days ago. It was always my intention. 

This blog today is going to assess all points of view- why some people do naturalise, why some don't and why you should naturalise in a new country.

Identity

Some people do not naturalise in a new country because they don't want to forgo their original nationality and they feel that doing so could diminish their identity but that's not the case at all. Most countries around the world allow dual or multiple citizenship so there is no need to renounce your original citizenship. You can be a citizen of more than one country and it doesn't diminish your identity at all.

Cost

Acquiring citizenship in a new country costs thousands of dollars and therefore it's something that you'd only do if you really wanted to. The price for permanent residency is often a few thousand dollars and if you don't see the value in holding citizenship then it's not a cost most people would want to pay. Then there is the cost of citizenship after that. It can be upwards of $10,000 if a family is applying and a few thousand dollars for an individual.

Paperwork

When you apply for permanent residency the process is relatively simple and straight forward depending on the visa that you are applying for. You may need to submit 20 documents. When it comes to citizenship the process is much longer. In Australia it can take people several years to obtain citizenship after applying and even a simple application may require 50 supporting documents in addition to the application form itself. 

Ineligibility

This is a big one. When you're a permanent resident you must satisfy certain conditions before applying for citizenship such as being resident in a country without breaks for a period of time. You must also satisfy identity and character requirements. You must also qualify for a permanent visa. If you do not qualify for a permanent visa then you will never qualify for citizenship. Some nations around the world have reciprocal agreements for example, NZ and Australia have an agreement that allows citizens of each nation to travel freely. Of course, what a lot of people don't realise is that NZ citizens going to Australia do so on a temporary visa. It is effectively a working holiday visa and does not lead to citizenship. There are however other ways to get permanent residency in Australia - The 189 skilled migration NZ stream visa, the partner visa or citizenship by descent if one of your parents was an Australian permanent resident or Australian citizen.

So now that I've talked about the things that may prohibit you from getting citizenship in a new nation I want to talk about why people should take out citizenship.

Being recognised as one of the nation's people

This is a really big one. When you naturalise, your new country has said, "yes, you're one of us" and you actually belong to that nation. You are no longer a visitor. You are one of their people. You've assimilated into the community. A lot of people have this misconception, myself included until I went through the process, that citizenship is easy to obtain. It's not easy to obtain, and that's in countries that have comparatively "soft" immigration policies. It often takes years of hard work, years of struggle, years of waiting to qualify, a lot of money, time on a permanent visa and then the wait while your citizenship application is processed. It's not an easy process at all and not everyone qualifies for citizenship, even if they did obtain permanent residency, for example, in Australia, you cannot get citizenship if you have a traffic offence because it is technically a crime and you will have a record. Getting citizenship means you are no longer a visitor.

Opportunities open up

Some nations allow permanent residents to hold public office and to vote in elections, but others do not. Citizenship means you can apply for jobs in the public sector, stand for parliament and vote in elections. It means you can participate as a full member of the community and that you get to enjoy the freedoms that every other citizen does.

Consular assistance

If you are in trouble overseas then it makes sense to get assistance from the country that you live in, so it is essential that you take up citizenship. If you don't then it could mean that your old country has to help you which may mean you struggle to get back to the country that you live in, and that could be a foreign affairs nightmare for authorities and yourself. Getting citizenship in the country you live in means you will never have to worry about that.

There are of course other advantages to naturalising in a new country but there are too many to write about here. Citizenship is extremely important, even if there's a possiblity you may move out of the country in a few years time. You never know what could happen and it is better to get it while you are still young and healthy because to get permanent residency you do have to pass a health test in addition to the character requirements.

And on that note, I gained my Australian citizenship on the 6th of May 2021 and I am now officially and legally Australian. I had been approved on the 19th of April and then had to wait for the final step which was making the Australian citizenship pledge (a requirement of the Citizenship Act 2007), and it definitely makes a difference, even though I had always identified as Australian, but now it's legal. I will be renouncing my New Zealand citizenship within the next few months, but my thoughts on dual citizenship are a subject for another blog.

Australian citizenship processing times

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog, and I actually started writing this blog on the 11th of October 2020, so that means there was 7 months of inactivity. This post lay dormant for 7 months before I decided to come back to it, and that actually reflects the topic that I”m writing about today - the slow processing of Australian citizenship applications.

The processing time for Australian citizenship is anywhere from 3 months to 3 years. There’s no logic behind how the Department of Home Affairs processes citizenship applications. They say on their website that they’re processed in the order that they’re received and while that may be true to an extent, I think there’s more to it that the general public doesn’t know but Home Affairs will never reveal that information.  

An Australian citizenship applicant can’t even get information on their citizenship application without submitting a freedom of information (FOI) request which takes 30 days to process. 

There are however forums online where citizenship applicants can post and discuss the process (yes, I’m a member of one of them). That’s how I actually found out that it’s possible to submit an FOI to find out what’s happening with your citizenship application.  

As I mentioned, I first applied on the 5th of October 2020 and other than a couple of automated checks on the 8th of October 2020 my application lay dormant until the 18th of March 2021. Approximately two weeks later on the 8th of April 2021 I had received my citizenship test invitation. It was set for the 30th of April 2021 but I’d read about being able to reschedule for an earlier time if a slot was available so I did exactly that. I rescheduled for the 9th of April 2021 and got 100% in the citizenship test. I don’t remember what questions were asked but I do know it was very easy and that I was in and out of the Home Affairs office within 20 minutes. Your identity is verified and a couple of questions are asked before you’re allowed to sit the test and then afterwards you’re given a piece of paper congratulating you for passing the test and that processing will continue. 

I’ve hated waiting since I first applied, actually I’ve hated waiting for my Australian citizenship since I first moved here on the 8th of April 2008. Yes, you will notice it was exactly 13 years to the day that I got my citizenship test. The processing times are anywhere from 14 months to 19 months and currently there are approximately 146,000 people in the queue. When I applied back in October it was 156,000. I’m not sure if COVID has had a bearing on the numbers but they’re out of control and people should not have to wait so long for citizenship. 

The current rate to apply for Australian citizenship is a measly $285. It should be much higher. It should actually be closer to $1000. $285 is too low and could be a factor in why the citizenship queue has blown out from 30,000 under Tony Abbott to 146,000 under Scott Morrison. I think increasing the fee to $1000 would improve the legitimacy of applications and it would also allow the Department of Home Affairs the chance to invest more in citizenship officers. I’ve done the calculations and they’d be able to hire about 500 new staff members if it increased this month. They only actually need 100 staff members to clear the backlog within a reasonable time (though 6 months time to get the test is actually one of the better timeframes I’ve known of, some people wait three years which is excessive), but the wait for approval could be another 6 months on its own and then I have to wait another 3-4 months due to the City of Sydney Council’s current backlog.  

I don’t think I’ll have to wait that long but it’s starting to drive me crazy (this is not helped by the fact that my apartment looks directly onto the citizenship office - it's 1km exactly from my apartment). When I received the email for the citizenship test appointment it wasn’t on my mind at that particular point in time and I was busy with acting (the one time I wasn't thinking about it so I was shocked to receive it) but given I’m much closer to Australian citizenship I’m checking the Immi portal obsessively now.

It would be more reasonable if the time from citizenship application lodgement to the ceremony was 6-8 months rather than 14-19 months (though that does depend on how often you travel overseas and the documents you supply - I supplied 39 documents and added an extra 10 documents this week for a total of 49 documents because one additional document was requested at the citizenship interview. The application form itself is 21 pages as well. That is for a simple citizenship application. I can’t imagine how many pages it is for a complicated application. 

Anyway, it would be reasonable if it was say 3 months to get your citizenship appointment then no more than a month for approval and then no more than 2 months for your ceremony. The process needs to be more streamlined with case officers allocated applications from certain countries, and people should have the option to pay an extra fee for prioritisation if they want. Yes, a lot would take up this option but if it was say $500-$1000 extra for priority processing it would be okay. There’s priority processing for visas and for an Australian passport so why not for citizenship? Why should people be prevented from paying the government extra money for faster processing? 

In my research on forums (and let’s be honest, I’m trying to distract myself by reading about citizenship and I like hearing about other people’s stories) the fact is that some migrants are disingenuous. By that I mean they do not plan to live in Australia long term, but the majority of applicants, such as myself are putting their lives on hold while they wait for approval.  For example, when your citizenship application is being processed by the department you can’t leave the country after your test. Legally you can of course BUT, if you do then you will be pushed to the back of the queue and given how many are in the queue it’s just not worth the risk.  

So some people might wonder why citizenship is so important if you can live indefinitely in a country. 

There are so many reasons and these are just a few.

1. Belonging.
2. Carrying an Australian passport.
3. Applying for public sector jobs.
4. Standing for parliament.
5. Voting.

When you become a citizen of a nation you are officially part of that nation and pledge your allegiance. In Australia you do not actually become a citizen until you say the pledge at the ceremony, which you can do under God, but it is not mandatory. If you are already a citizen you can reaffirm your commitment to Australia at a citizenship ceremony however it has no legal standing. A lot of people don't realise but while you're in the process of waiting for citizenship you're in this weird limbo land where you legally belong to your country of birth but you don't legally belong to your new country.

As a citizen you have the right to carry an Australian passport. This means that you are recognised overseas as being Australian and if you were stranded overseas the Australian government would help you. You would be recognised as one of its people and if you’ve built a life who wouldn’t want that. 

You can apply for public sector jobs which can open up opportunities and advance your career. It also gives you the chance to give back to the Australian public.

Standing for parliament at local, state or federal level becomes an option when you’re a citizen. You must be enrolled to vote and on the electoral roll to stand for parliament. Permanent residents have no democratic voice (unless you write to MPs or complain to government departments - I’ve actually never written so many letters to MPs as when I haven’t had the right to vote).

And that brings me to the most important reason to become a citizen. You have the right to vote. You have a voice. I have missed two federal elections, two state elections and one local council election. I need my citizenship to be approved in the next few weeks to vote in this year’s Sydney City Council election. Given the time between approval and the ceremony if I’m not approved this month then I run the risk of missing out on voting in this year’s Sydney City Council election and I am at risk of missing next year’s Federal election however the chances are very slim that I will not be able to vote by then. Political participation and the importance of voting is another blog post all together though.

And that concludes my rant about the Australian citizenship processing times, and much like the Australian government, I took my sweet little time in writing this post.

Album review: Taylor Swift Lover

Okay, I know that my last three blogs, including this one have been about Taylor Swift, and I swear that my blog is not actually a Taylor Swift blog. I just can't help that she is where I'm drawing inspiration from right now.

A couple of months ago when The Archer was released I ripped into it as per my last blog post. I said it was a terrible song and that Taylor was codependent and needed to get a grip. Okay see here's the thing. I'd just been rejected by a guy a short time before and I was kind of bruised from that so I didn't want to admit that I was actually kind of gutted about it and Taylor just reminded me of that. It was also a bit slow for my liking.

However, now it's one of my favourite tracks on the album. I love the slow pacing of it and I love it lyrically, but also, why does it even have to be about a guy? What's to say it's not about career goals and aspirations? The lyrics, "easy they come/easy they go/help me hold onto you/who could ever leave me/but who could ever stay?"

That could easily be about your dreams. It's all about interpretation. Of course, I'm certain it is about a new love, probably Joe Alwyn, but it could honestly be about anything such as self belief. The song is what you make it. Taylor's vocal range and sincerity in the song really shines through. It is absolutely a stand out on the album.

Another stand out is Paper Rings. She reminds me of Avril Lavigne in the song but I also love the concept of, "I like shiny things/but I'd marry you with paper rings". It's so sweet that you can't help but fall in love with it and it has a great beat.

Now Cornelia Street is about a place that you love and will always remember. In Taylor's case it's Cornelia Street. In my case it's Onslow Road, Mount Eden. That place is one of my favourite places. The beat, lyrics and mixing of this song could have easily been on her album 1989. It's a soft song that's rather reflective and clear she wants to hold onto what she has in her life right now.

Soon you'll get better with the Dixie Chicks is a raw song about Taylor Swift's mother Andrea's battle with cancer. It's stripped back with light guitar strings. I understand that lots of people have written positive reviews about the song but I just don't like it. I like that it's accoustic. I don't like it lyrically. It doesn't really fit on the album and it's just a depressing song. I'm not a fan of it. I personally would've left it off the album.

Then there are the two songs, Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince; and You Need to Calm Down, which reviewers are trying to make political tunes. I don't know about you but I don't like when singers get political in their music. I immediately tune out. That said, I do like You Need to Calm Down but I could do without the political commentary. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince also could've easily been on 1989 as well.

I'm an actress, writer and singer and of course I have political opinions and leanings but I keep my performing, writing and my politics separate even though I studied politics at uni. I don't like that the media is pressuring Taylor to talk about politics. We pay her to sing and write music, not to offer political commentary. Green Day did that with their album American Idiot though but again, music can be universal so songs are open to interpretation and I loved that album when it was released.

Afterglow and It's Nice to Have a Friend remind me of pre Red era Taylor. She shows her more sensitive side. In Afterglow she returns to Back to December where she's apologising to a former love. The song is like many on her album with sound effects of an echo. It's Nice to Have a Friend feels a little bit playful and cheerful, like she could easily be in high school singing it and the first lyrics are: "school bell rings/walk me home". This song could easily be about her mother, or her best friend Abigail who she met early in high school. I like that she is thankful in this song and lighthearted in her approach.

Now to talk about Me! This song was first released when I was into the guy who rejected me so I was optimistic about it, but then for a while I couldn't listen to it. Now that time has passed I completely relate to Taylor "I know that I went psycho on the phone/I never leave well enough alone". That is totally me. I do that, but then she sings, "Meeeeeeeee/I'm the only one of me/baby that's the fun of me" and now I would sing that song as a "your loss." When Taylor first released it she said the song was exactly that. It was supposed to be an uplifting song and it really is.

The title track Lover refers to previous songs and has a country vibe about it. It's clearly about her love of three years, British actor Joe Alwyn and how she'd do anything for him. I like the song, but being single with no love interests on the horizon (outside of pure fantasies) I can't listen to the song right now. When there is a new love interest, it will be high on the playlist.

The fourth track, The Man is a follow up to Blank Space where she's sick of everyone criticising her for having lots of relationships and she sings about how if she was a man then she'd be the man and everyone would lover her like they do Leo Di Caprio. The pace picks up and it has a strong drum beat.

The album's final track is more of a ballad where Taylor is again, taking responsibility for how she's been in previous relationships and singing that she doesn't, "want to look at anything else" now that she's seen "daylight". It might be another song to Joe Alwyn but it's also about how she's made peace with what people have said about her in the past. I'm sure we can all relate to being judged by others, or feeling judged. She seems to have made peace with it, but that appears to be because she's with Joe. It's an optimistic song and she seems very thankful for what the future holds.

High on the playlist like, I Forgot That You Existed. This is 100% my favourite song on the song. Anyone who has been wronged by a friend, former lover or anyone else will love this song. It's a follow up to Bad Blood except she simply doesn't care anymore, "I forgot that you existed/and I thought that it would kill me/but it didn't/and it was so nice/and it was so peaceful and quiet/it isn't love/it isn't hate/it's just indifferent."

The song is basically a "I would've done anything for you but you showed your true colours and now I don't care about you". It's the ultimate indifferent song. The beat of the song is pretty peaceful and nice to listen to. It really is one of those songs you can just listen to on repeat when you've been wronged by someone.

It's a song where Taylor takes back the power after the Reputation era and is leaving the past behind. It's a great opener for the album and really does set the tone that she's a lover not a fighter and doesn't have time to negativity.

Even the cover art shows that she is a lover. It may not be intentional but the Lover cover art is very similar to Katy Perry's Teenage Dream. She reportedly had a falling out with Katy Perry for a few years but Katy appeared in her You Need to Calm Down music video so Taylor and Katy are friends again, or at least on speaking terms.

Overall this is a great return to the spotlight for Taylor and it's great that she's back to positivity after the dark Reputation era. I loved Reputation but it was very dark, at least by Taylor standards anyway.

The best tracks on the album: I Forgot That You Existed, The Archer, Paper Rings, Cornelia Street, Afterglow, Me!, It's Nice to Have a Friend and Daylight.

I give the album a 4.5 out of 5 and I know I won't be the only one at her Lover Tour but I plan to be in the front row at her show.

Taylor Swift's new song lyrics irritate the hell out of me and here's why

I’m a huge Taylor Swift fan. I’ve been a fan of her music since she released Everything has changed with Ed Sheeran. There was just something about those lyrics and the songs, I knew you were trouble and We are never getting back together that really connected with me.

I’ve been a loyal fan since. I went to the 1989 World Tour (and it’s because of Taylor Swift that I’m still living in Sydney – there was something she said during the concert that connected with me) and the Reputation World Tour.

I buy her music as soon as it comes out and I can identify with most of the lyrics.

She’s just begun releasing singles for her seventh album, Lover.

I loved the first single, Me! Where she teamed up with Panic At The Disco’s Brendon Urie) and sung a song about how awesome she was. That song was great. It was upbeat and a song about anyone who has ever doubted themselves. It was a self affirming song and the positivity was welcome.

Her second single, You need to calm down completely missed the mark for me. It was a political song and that’s all I’m saying on the matter. Musicians and politics should not mix.

But her third single, The archer is such a depressing song and I’m not a fan. I mean it’s Taylor Swift so I’ve got it on repeat but that’s also because I’m writing this blog about it, so I kind of have to listen to it multiple times to really get the point and say everything I want to say.

Anyway, there’s a few lyrics in this song that really irritate the hell out of me.

I want to preface this by saying that a couple of months ago I was shot down by a guy I really liked and I’m only just getting over that so I’m all, “I’m great on my own and I’m awesome,” which is why I can identify with the lyrics to Me! I was trying to find specific lyrics I could identify with but the whole song describes how I feel right now.

The archer on the other hand is such a needy, desperate, clingy, co-dependant, whingy, whiney, depressing, wallowing song.

I want to draw attention to some specific lyrics:

Easy they come, easy they go

I jump off the train, I ride off alone

I never grew up, it’s getting so old

Help me hold onto you

The issue with these lyrics is that Taylor is saying she needs someone else to be happy and that she can’t handle being alone.

She’s also whining about never growing up, though I do appreciate the reference to her earlier song, Never grow up.

Why does she need to hold onto someone? Why can’t she be happy on her own? Why can’t she find happiness in other things?

Then there’s the self pity in the next lyrics:

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

These lyrics are awful. Talk about low self-esteem and negativity. That’s just blaming herself for things that have happened and that’s ridiculous. She shouldn’t hate herself. Nobody should hate themselves and nobody should feel sorry for themselves. It’s not healthy.

But the lyric that really grates on my nerves:

All the king’s horses, all the king’s men

Couldn’t put me together again

Why does she even need someone to put her together again? She can put herself back together. She shouldn’t need anyone else to do that for her. She should be strong enough on her own. This song is awful lyrically.

I’m sure at some point I’ll like the lyrics of this song, but right now I don’t. I’m really disappointed in the weakness and co-dependency shown in this song. I just want to knock some sense into her.

And on that note I’m going to listen to Me! Because I’d rather celebrate self love than wallowing and self pity. And of course I'll be buying the album as soon as it's out but this song annoys me.

P.S. It wasn't intentional to have two blogs in a row about Taylor Swift's new music.

Taylor Swift's new song and thoughts on love

Taylor Swift is one of the most polarising artists of our time. One minute everyone loves her and can't get enough of her. The next they're crtiicising her and saying her music is trash.

The tabloids are at it again this week now that she has released the lead single, Me! off her seventh, yet to be named album. She teamed up with Panic at the Disco's Brendon Urie.

The general gist is that Taylor's new single isn't up to her usual standard and that she's sold herself short. She's also been accused of writing for teenagers.

Firstly, even if she has written for teenagers how is that a bad thing and why are people talking negatively about her for writing for teenagers? Are teenagers not allowed opinions? Do their feelings not matter? Why are people looking down on teenagers? If we're not teenagers now then most of us were teenagers once and I don't know about you but when I was a teenager I was all about the crushes on the boys and I was all about the love and romance. I was the type of girl who wrote boys notes in primary school, intermediate and high school. There were so many crushes and crushes are fun.

I'm getting a little sidetracked here. Anyway, back to Taylor Swift's song. I've seen some commentary that the lyrics are lame and that it's a break up song. That's not at all how I interpret it. Now call me an optimist and a believer in love but I reckon it's a song about being crazy about someone and even though they have faults you just want to be with them.

This is clear in the lines:

"And you're the kind of guy the ladies want" and "you're the only one of you."

It's also about how nobody will ever like someone as much as you. Again, this is evidenced in the lines, "I promise that you'll never find another like....." and "I never wanna see you walk away."

I'm truly dumbfounded as to how anyone can think this is a break up song. If anything it's a song about how no relationship is perfect but how no matter what happens you want to make it work.

That sort of brings me to my next point which is about relationships in general. I have a lot of friends who are always worried about getting hurt and worried that a relationship won't pan out. You know what I have to say to that? What if it DOES work? What if you do get your happy ending? What if you're not alone in your feelings? As a character in the TV show Friends once said, it only has to happen once. You only need to have a relationship work once, and as Rachel said in Series 5, "people love being told when someone loves them." Rachel had blind faith that she should tell Ross how she felt. Of course he didn't reciprocate (until later on and then she "got off the plane" in the series finale in season 10), but has anyone ever been rude when someone shows their heart? The answer is no because even if they don't feel the same, they're still going to appreciate it. They'll appreciate it because it takes bravery and courage to put your heart on the line.

People shouldn't be so cynical about relationships. They should trust that things will work. Why do people always expect the worst? Why not expect the best? What if the best DOES happen? What if you do get what you want?

I'm gonna leave you with this thought: you've gotta be in it to win it. It only needs to work out once. In a world of 7 billion people, how could it NOT work out once? How could people not find love? It's all around us if you really believe in it and again, as the TV show Friends says, "it only has to work once."

Delete dating apps and become the person you want to date

Isn't it a fascinating concept? People actually sign up to dating websites or dating apps searching for love. They basically have a sign on their foreheads saying, "hey I'm desperate, love me, love me. I need love.'

In what world did it become okay to do things so unnaturally? When did people stop having the faith that things would happen organically? Why did they stop believing that love would come into their life at exactly the right time?

I don't want to sound all new age but surely, love will come into your life when it's the right time and surely love will come into your life when, as cliched as it sounds you stop looking for it and become happy in who you are.

So what does that actually look like? Well, being happy in who you are means you can take it either way. It means that you're honestly okay if you're single forever or if you end up meeting The One.

Of course, that's easier said than done but here's the thing about people who are comfortable in themselves. They have their own interests. They have their own life. They have a great job. They're happy in themselves. They're not worried about whether or not someone else loves them because they love themselves. That's not to say they're egotistical. It just means they have self respect and that they know what they want.

Now I'm sure that everyone can relate to having dated a lot of incompatible people on dating sites and apps. There'll be the ones where you just have no connection, the one where you feel something but there's that niggling self doubt (more about that later), the ones who lie to you and string you along like a puppet. There'll be the ones who are insanely into you but who you don't feel the same way about. Now, I don't like the quote TV shows, actually that's a lie, I do. There's a couple of episodes of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is so close to giving up on love.

In season 4's episode, As fast as she can, Ted is destitute and so fed up. He has recently bumped into Stella who says to him, she's getting there as fast as she can. Ted being Ted he acknowledges that comment but he doesn't really believe it.

Then in season 8 he dates the last ever woman before he meets The Mother. The last ever woman was Jeanette Peterson who was mentally unhinged. I'm sure we've all dated someone who is mentally unhinged. Interestingly he says after she's chucked his stuff out of the apartment that he's done with dating and that he's ready to settle down.

Within a few months he then met The Mother.

To quote Ted Mosby, before you can attract love into your life, you have to become the person you would want to date. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and before anyone else can love you. It could be that like Ted you scream at the universe that you're done with dating or that you're sick of being disrespected and want more. Or it could be that you follow some other path.

In other words the basic essence of this blog is that you can't go out searching for love. You have to let it find you, and it will find you. At the right time. When you're ready for it and often when you've given up and you're certain it's not out there. If love was easy to find we simply wouldn't value it. It comes into our lives when we will value it and when we won't take it for granted. It's like that movie, How to lose a guy in ten days with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. There's a quote early on in the movie that diamonds are valued because they're scarce. If love was around every corner it wouldn't be valued because it would be just like a bus. There'd be another in five minutes, but it's not like that. It could be months or years between loves.

But one other thing is for sure. It's not on dating apps and nor should it be.. It's so unnatural and fake when you think about it. People post a few pictures of themselves and a short bio with info they want the world to see. That's not how you find love. That's how you attract other desperate people.

The best way to find love is to love yourself and to be genuinely happy in yourself. It's to have your own life and to not need someone else to share it with. When you're in that place you'll effectively be a complete person and that is so much more attractive than someone who is seeking love.

So please, delete Tinder and other apps. They're just fake. You can't find true love on apps. It exists where you least expect it and it will come along when you least expect it. You just have to shift it out of your mind and not need it.

It sounds counter intuitive but it just can't be forced and that's what dating apps do. They try and force it. It's not a genuine connection. Genuine connections are found elsewhere. And when you do find a genuine connection there won't be any self doubt. As cryptic as it sounds you'll just know. You'll just feel it. It will be different to anything you've ever experienced before. You have to let it happen naturally.