The politics of dating and effort

I often write about politics and fitness but today I started thinking like Carrie Bradshaw about the politics of dating.  You see I've been internet dating since I was 14 I believe.  I used to go into chat rooms.  As times moved on I started to meet guys on Internet forums/discussion boards.  It would start with a few messages and then you'd end up meeting for a drink.  Some guys these days like to go for coffee though.  I prefer going for a casual drink or two myself.  At about 20 I started using dating sites.  I have met a few decent guys from them but they're mostly weirdos so really, this column is going to ask a few questions and make a few statements about my experiences and the politics of dating.  Things have changed significantly over the last ten years.

Let's start with the first point though, the picture.  Look, the first picture is so important. I'm not saying you need to have a professional head shot taken because let's be honest, who can be bothered with that for a dating site/app, but please, I don't want to see you shirtless.  It makes you look like a tool.  Nor do I want to see with some bimbo or looking scruffy with a beard or a gut.  If you can't make an effort with your picture what does it say about who you are as a person?  And if you can't make an effort when trying to win someone over how much more will you let yourself go?

That brings me to my next point.  When I was 18 guys would make effort, loads of effort, now they don't. Where's the nice date?  I'm not saying you have to wear a suit but inviting me over for drinks may be cool and lead to more it actually shows instant disrespect.  How about starting as you mean to go on? Casual is cool but at least make effort.  That doesn't mean you need to text all the time or take me to some fancy place but seeing someone once a month and not doing the proper dating thing is dumb.  When you're 18 that type of thing is okay but in your late 20s or over 30 you should know better.

The effort extends to messages.  We all know men love food, but asking a woman about food when she's said she's an exercise and fitness addict is just asking for trouble or to be unmatched as happened this morning.  People should be able to read cues.  Now I do know that men sometimes need to be whacked over the head with a big neon sign but still, reading people and reading between the lines isn't a puzzle, or at least it shouldn't be.

Some people have baggage by the time they're in their 30s but it doesn't mean you should shut someone out.  No two people are the same, or as Ross from Friends once said, it only has to happen once. Joey, in episode one said to him to grab a spoon. It's obviously a metaphor for opening up.  Everyone has had negative experiences but why hold onto them?   I'm glad all my exes are exes because as I said over drinks a few weeks back, I no know what I don't want.  People need to be more willing to take chances and be open.

I could start to ask questions about work, age and money but these are topics for a whole new blog and I don't yet actually have the answers to those questions. There are so many things to consider when dating but the big take away from today's article is, please make effort and consider the other person.