Delete dating apps and become the person you want to date

Isn't it a fascinating concept? People actually sign up to dating websites or dating apps searching for love. They basically have a sign on their foreheads saying, "hey I'm desperate, love me, love me. I need love.'

In what world did it become okay to do things so unnaturally? When did people stop having the faith that things would happen organically? Why did they stop believing that love would come into their life at exactly the right time?

I don't want to sound all new age but surely, love will come into your life when it's the right time and surely love will come into your life when, as cliched as it sounds you stop looking for it and become happy in who you are.

So what does that actually look like? Well, being happy in who you are means you can take it either way. It means that you're honestly okay if you're single forever or if you end up meeting The One.

Of course, that's easier said than done but here's the thing about people who are comfortable in themselves. They have their own interests. They have their own life. They have a great job. They're happy in themselves. They're not worried about whether or not someone else loves them because they love themselves. That's not to say they're egotistical. It just means they have self respect and that they know what they want.

Now I'm sure that everyone can relate to having dated a lot of incompatible people on dating sites and apps. There'll be the ones where you just have no connection, the one where you feel something but there's that niggling self doubt (more about that later), the ones who lie to you and string you along like a puppet. There'll be the ones who are insanely into you but who you don't feel the same way about. Now, I don't like the quote TV shows, actually that's a lie, I do. There's a couple of episodes of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is so close to giving up on love.

In season 4's episode, As fast as she can, Ted is destitute and so fed up. He has recently bumped into Stella who says to him, she's getting there as fast as she can. Ted being Ted he acknowledges that comment but he doesn't really believe it.

Then in season 8 he dates the last ever woman before he meets The Mother. The last ever woman was Jeanette Peterson who was mentally unhinged. I'm sure we've all dated someone who is mentally unhinged. Interestingly he says after she's chucked his stuff out of the apartment that he's done with dating and that he's ready to settle down.

Within a few months he then met The Mother.

To quote Ted Mosby, before you can attract love into your life, you have to become the person you would want to date. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else and before anyone else can love you. It could be that like Ted you scream at the universe that you're done with dating or that you're sick of being disrespected and want more. Or it could be that you follow some other path.

In other words the basic essence of this blog is that you can't go out searching for love. You have to let it find you, and it will find you. At the right time. When you're ready for it and often when you've given up and you're certain it's not out there. If love was easy to find we simply wouldn't value it. It comes into our lives when we will value it and when we won't take it for granted. It's like that movie, How to lose a guy in ten days with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. There's a quote early on in the movie that diamonds are valued because they're scarce. If love was around every corner it wouldn't be valued because it would be just like a bus. There'd be another in five minutes, but it's not like that. It could be months or years between loves.

But one other thing is for sure. It's not on dating apps and nor should it be.. It's so unnatural and fake when you think about it. People post a few pictures of themselves and a short bio with info they want the world to see. That's not how you find love. That's how you attract other desperate people.

The best way to find love is to love yourself and to be genuinely happy in yourself. It's to have your own life and to not need someone else to share it with. When you're in that place you'll effectively be a complete person and that is so much more attractive than someone who is seeking love.

So please, delete Tinder and other apps. They're just fake. You can't find true love on apps. It exists where you least expect it and it will come along when you least expect it. You just have to shift it out of your mind and not need it.

It sounds counter intuitive but it just can't be forced and that's what dating apps do. They try and force it. It's not a genuine connection. Genuine connections are found elsewhere. And when you do find a genuine connection there won't be any self doubt. As cryptic as it sounds you'll just know. You'll just feel it. It will be different to anything you've ever experienced before. You have to let it happen naturally.